Tolerance And Tampons

Illinois lawmakers have recently proven just how much they care about the health and wellbeing of Illinois school children.

The Illinois House and Senate passed HB 156 last week. An bill which, according to IFI’s Laurie Higgins,

“expands the availability of free (taxpayer-funded) feminine hygiene products from all girls’ bathrooms in public schools to all boys’ bathrooms. It replaces all occurrences in existing school code of the word “feminine,” as in “feminine hygiene products” with the word “menstrual.” Now the bill goes to Governor J.B. Pritzker who can be counted on to sign every piece of garbage legislation that morally corrupt Democrat lawmakers send his way.”

~Laurie Higgins, Tampons for Boys

Aren’t Illinois lawmakers so thoughtful? They understand, like all tolerant and loving people, that both sexes are equal in bodily functions and abilities, and finally gave boys the right to access tampons–a product for menstruating people. And out of the goodness of their magnanimous hearts, the legislature passed the check to the taxpayers of the Land of Lincoln, so we can do our part and pay for body equity in both bathrooms.

When this bill was being debated, several hate-mongering, right-wing Senators revealed their transphobic sides with the ludicrous question, “why?” Why move out of the dark ages and offer equality to all citizens? State Senator Karina Villa, the brave and beautiful chief sponsor of this bill, replied with the obvious, common sense reply: “for emergencies.” 

Supposing a visiting girls’ sports team is using the boys’ locker room for their event, and supposing one of these visiting ladies suddenly and without warning realizes it is *that* time of the month. Without HB 156, all that is available to her is a borrowed tampon from a teammate; or from the schools’ girls locker room; or from the public restroom; or from another girl at the school.

Is that not a horrible, embarrassing predicament? It almost amounts to sexism, the way there is no availability right there in the boys’ locker room. And that is one of the plethora of reasons HB 156 is so vital, because there is always a chance such a scenario might occur.

That is not the only crisis tampons in the boys’ locker room could avert. Tampons stop not only period-induced bleeding, but bullet-induced bleeding as well. Every Town Research & Policy reports that in 2021 alone, there have been 29 reported cases of gunfire on school grounds–29!! Having tampons in the boys’ locker rooms will give students more material to stop potential bullet wounds from bleeding, which should be all the more reason for having tampons in a place where they’d otherwise be only used to stuff toilets and be the butt of juvenile jokes. You never know when a shooting may occur, and Illinois lawmakers (bless their hearts) have planned ahead, and rightfully came to the conclusion that the more blood stoppers we have in school, the better off children are. Forget about armed guards, or a police presence where our children learn about how to change genders and hate their white skin; lawmakers rationally decided we should stop the bleeding after it occurs with tampons, not prevent it. Aren’t they the best?

There are no literally downsides to having what normally is considered a feminine product in a boys’ locker room; it shows just how tolerant and open and progressive Illinois has become. We are officially realizing as a state that biology is merely bogus and beans, and we recognize that both boys and girls can menstruate–for we are all physically equal, no matter who we are or identify as.

HB 156 is now on the governor’s desk. We should all contact good ol’ JB and let him know that we are happy to spend thousands of our hard earned dollars to ensure equality in both the girls’ loo and the boys’, and show just how tolerant and inclusive we are of installing things where they aren’t needed.

2 thoughts on “Tolerance And Tampons”

  1. Sorely tempted to sarcastically comment with one of those silly Cathy Newman quotes.
    I think I’ve gotten over being surprised at the way things are going in the world today, but I haven’t stopped feeling sad about it all. A little humour helps, though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree, our world is without a doubt skipping over the cliff of insanity with the monkeyshines they’re passing as “common sense” laws. Laughing these tomfools off the stage is one of the best ways we can expose their lack of rational. That is why I write with sarcasm. Thank you for reading!


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